Easter Wit

Emeric: I should probably go put on shoes.

Kieran: No, no. I like the stocking-foot look. It's half way between responsible adult and barefoot hippie. It says "I care, but not that much."

Then, later

Emeric: Before we head to Cold Spring I need you to take me to to the bank. And then I need you to run me by the store so I can pick a few things up.

Kieran: What are you? 80-year old woman I'm driving around on errands?

Emeric: No, I just have the metabolism of one.

Tots!

Emeric: Truffle tots!

Kieran: bulldog again?

Emeric: As if I left.

Kieran: I'd intervene but I don't want to have to wade through the sirachi mayo stained napkins

Emeric: Wow. You named the sauce.

That's sad.

Kieran: never question my knowledge of potatoes

Statements of a New Year

On preparing for New Year's Eve by having lunch in Kieran's Pub:

Emeric: One of the reasons I go to the Opera is for the attractive women.

Michael:[In a call back to Kieran's most famous burn] Are you sure? Or have you forgotten what a woman looks like?

Emeric: Mike, there are plenty of women that go to the opera.

Kieran: This is true Mike, he hasn't forgotten what they look like. He's just forgotten what a young, slender woman looks like.

BURN!

On the morning after a rockin' New Year's Eve party:

Emeric: And, as I recall, it was a pretty good party.

Mike: Yep!

Kieran: Except for when, at the end, you started passing out all your bank account information.

Emeric: The fools! It only has $3.12 in there! I spent the rest on food and drink!

[Pause as Emeric looks behind him at the tattered remains of the food and drink from the party.]

Emeric: The hooch! We've gotta protect the hooch! It's the last investment I have left!

And shortly thereafter.

Emeric: Well boys, I'd appreciate some help cleaning up.

Kieran: [Angrily] And I'd appreciate it if you'd proof read your e-mails!

Emeric: He's still beligerent! The alcohol is still in your system.

Kieran: [More calmly] No, I'll hlep you clean up. With a baseball bat!

Michael: Not every problem can be solved with a baseball bat!

Kieran: [Angrily] Mike, are you causing problems!?

Wasting Away In Margaritaville, Absent A Pitcher of Salt

At what is fast becoming a regular dinner at the St. Claire Broiler:

Kieran: I'm really looking forward to starting up the job.

Emeric: I bet. Just remember, as much as your work will distinguish you as a lawyer, so will your personality. [Beat] I should start wearing hawaiian shirts.

Shortly thereafter, the topic was spiralling out of control while discussing Buffet-Lawyers.

Kieran: You know, Mike could pull off the Buffet-Look, if he wore it confidently.

Emeric: Yeah, and wore flip-flops.

Kieran: I mean, he has some loud shirts that he wears now.

Emeric: Yeah, they're a dab of pink away from attracting Land Sharks.

Bad-dum. Bad-dum.

To Mexico! And Freedom!

There's a long standing escape plan set up for the Conspiracy. For purposes. We had a test run today.

Kieran: Lookfor a short heavy set Mexican man. He's got papers and a ticket for you. Your new name is James Edwards Swinton. You're an oil investor. Don't do the There Will Be Blood thing.

Emeric: But - but -I'm an Oil Man.

Kieran: No, you're fleeing from FBI, undercover as an oil man.

Emeric: But this is my son!

Kieran: We're already in enough trouble as it is, we don't need to add whatever it is you're about to do to the list.

Emeric: I'VE ABANDONED MY BOY! I'VE ABANDONED MY FAMILY!

Kieran: Your story has changed. Your an invester speculating in cattle futures. Make all the cattleman jokes you want.

It's good we ran a test.

The Ups and Downs of Being a Bluegrass Fan

Kieran: dammit, why is it that whenever Trampled by Turtles comes into town, I have something going on? Don't they realize their fans lead busy lives and they need to do more than one show at at time?

Emeric: When are they in town?

Kieran: Friday

not that I am complaining about my plans for Friday mind you

Emeric: Yeaaaaaah

Kieran: but I would like to see Trampled by Turtles at some point

Emeric: Well, their concerts are full of hippies and "twirl dancers."

So we could really just put one some of their music, invite a few of Erin's friends over, had have someone start smoking pot. That's kind of the same.

Please Send More Antiseptic

Kieran: AH! BADGERS!

Emeric: We need snakes!

AH! COBRAS!

Kieran: AH! RABID MONGOOSE!

Emeric: This is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with OH GOD THE BITING!

Kieran: There's just not enough antiseptic

Emeric: Bactine bath it is.

Frosty Conversations For Fall

Preparing for a day hike, the Conspiracy set into some oatmeal for breakfast. The following ensued:

Kieran: The thing about having oatmeal for breakfast is now I'm not going to be hungry until dinner time tonight.

Emeric: [Nonchalantly] Yeah.

[A pause in which both look about furtively.]

Kieran: Order a pizza?

Emeric: Yeaaaaaah.

A few nights prior, the Conspiracy was at the St. Claire Broiler with Harold and Phil.

Harold: My cell phone is larger than your two cell-phones combined!

Kieran: Compensating for something?

Harold: Yeah. My car is really small.

Finally, while driving about I made a discovery of - epic proportions.

Emeric: There's a Grand Old Creamery four blocks from our house!? Why didn't anyone tell me?

Kieran: I was trying to save you from yourself.

Emeric: [Knowingly] Yeaaaah you were.

I'm going to gain a bit of weight, I imagine.